The Marriage of Philip and Alida Rose: A Parable of Love and Loss (1857) by J.E. Rose

The first Rose named in our Family Bible was Philip B. He was born in 1832 (or 1834 depending on the document). He married Alida Hall in 1857 who died in 1865. And there it is, short and simple and on to the next entry. 

But not so fast! After just eight years of marriage she died? And she was only 27. What happened? I’ve written a chronicle about Alida’s sad story based on quite a bit of genealogical research over the years. I won’t fear all that here. But the brief Bible entries beg so many other questions: like their marriage itself. And, as my research of Alida uncovered the shocking truth that Philip was purposely excluded from her Last Will and Testament, it is almost impossible to ignore what seems like the obvious conclusion: their marriage was deeply troubled even before her sickness and death. But, it is also evident that it didn’t begin that way. Marriages rarely do. In the courtship stage of a budding relationship there are all kinds of dreams of the future propelling it forward. It is in that spirit I’ve written this chronicle. 

I call it a “parable of love and loss.” Let me take just a moment to explain my “ulterior motive.” For this chronicle on their marriage I want to piece together their story in a larger context: not just the history of their time but the broader history of the world! I’m calling it a parable because, if you understand the word, a parable is an “earthly story with a heavenly meaning.” 

The Bible claims that God himself invented marriage. He performed the first wedding with our first parents, Adam and Eve. Their marriage relationship was the first “earthly story with a heavenly meaning” with three main truths: 

The Marriage Covenant of Adam and Eve - The two became one

The Creation Mandate of Adam and Eve - They were to be fruitful and multiply

The Eternal Purpose for Adam and Eve - Their relationship was to point to God  

God has never changed the purpose of marriage–though few acknowledge it. In this chronicle of Philip and Alida I will reconstruct their own story, both as they probably understood it, but most importantly, as God intended. Though their story does not have a happy ending, the hope is that when we see how theirs went wrong we can better understand our own stories of love and loss. 

Philip and Alida’s Marriage Covenant  (1857)

It is quite certain that Philip and Alida grew up attending the same church in Brunswick: the Gilead Lutheran (Old Brick) Church. If so that would provide a likely scenario of how they met. There were no youth groups in those days and the interactions of teenagers in social settings like a church would occur under the watchful eyes of adults. That would especially be true for Philip and Alida, though for vastly different reasons. 

Alida grew up in the privileged home of Hiram Hall, a local attorney and prominent member of the church. On the other hand, Philip by all the evidence, had quite a troubled and unstable upbringing. It isn’t clear why, but he did not live with his family as a teenager, being listed as a “farm laborer” on the census record, with a man named William Van Namee. It is also clear from documents that he could not read or write. Considering that an 1812 law in New York gave even rural farm communities local school houses and expected all children to attend (Pittstown alone had about 15 schools) it was unusual that Philip could not. In some cases, it was due to mental handicaps but in Philip’s it is most likely because of all the upheaval in his childhood. He never learned how. It isn’t hard to imagine the social stigma of this, particularly in comparison to the Hall Family. 

Nonetheless, at some point Philip managed to get Alida’s attention! He was seven years older than her so it could have been the mystique of an “older man.” No pictures exist so it would be speculation to suggest whether or not he was distinctively handsome. Whatever drew them together, however, in spite of the social obstacles, they began the traditional “courtship” of nineteenth century couples which meant mostly group and parent-supervised times together. How Phlip was able to persuade Alida’s father to let their relationship proceed to the next level is hard to imagine. Though I suspect Alida had a lot to do with that, working “behind the scenes” with mother and father to see in Philip what she had come to believe about him. 

Throughout history until recently, social relationships have been regulated by what experts call “honor culture.” As the term implies, they operate on rules of honor and social standing. It isn’t hard to see how this would operate in the Hiram Hall family and why Alida’s interest in a man with the background of Philip would not fit the plan profile! Coincidentally, honor cultures enforce the rules of honor with shame. In general, social shame was a way to punish those who did not meet the expectations of honor. 

In a parable about marriage I think it is helpful to consider honor and shame historically. The Bible says that when Adam and Eve were married they had no shame, even though in their innocence they wore no clothing, they were nonetheless “unashamed” (Genesis 2:25). This means more than we might think. In the Bible, “nakedness” is not just lack of clothing. It describes being completely exposed so there are no secrets or hidden parts. After they broke God’s command eating the forbidden fruit, the Bible says they were now ashamed of their nakedness and tried to cover it with fig leaves (Genesis 3:7).

To extend this to Philip and Alida suggests that shame became a significant and even pivotal part of their marriage story. Before their wedding I can imagine that Alida worked overtime to help Philip manage the cultural and personal shame that hung over him like a dark cloud. She thought she saw beyond the shame to something good and innocent. Who am I to say she did not? But it doesn’t seem like her efforts worked long term. Indeed, the stigma of his personal and social shame prevailed. 

But I’m getting ahead of the story! Their courtship would have lasted a few months, perhaps beginning in the fall of 1856.  While Philip was working as farm labor for William Van Namee, living as a boarder in his house. Alida and her mother were excitedly planning her wedding to be held with friends and family at the Old Brick Church in Brunswick. 

God himself conducted the first marriage. It was an extraordinary miracle for Adam. He didn’t just see Eve from afar and seek to know her! 

Yahweh God caused a deep sleep to fall on the man, and he slept; and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. He made the rib, which Yahweh God had taken from the man, into a woman, and brought her to the man. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. She will be called 'woman,' because she was taken out of Man."

herefore a man will leave his father and his mother, and will join with his wife, and they will be one flesh. They were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

Philip had long ago left his parents. We will probably never know the circumstances. The phrase, “join with his wife” describes the extraordinary relationship they would begin as they took their wedding vows. In 1857, the Gilead Lutheran Church pastor would use the traditional wedding vows still used by many today. 

During this period, English-speaking congregations in New York largely followed the form published in the Liturgy of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in the United States 

“wilt thou have this woman to be thy wedded wife, to live together after God’s ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honor, and keep her in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?”

Historically, society and the church categorized human existence into distinct "estates" or callings—such as the single state, the estate of marriage, the clergy, or widowhood. Entering marriage meant transitioning from the status of an independent individual into a formal, binding social and legal condition with defined roles and obligations. That binding, legal condition is what we call a “covenant of marriage.” 

The rest of the covenant provision for Adam and Eve was no doubt on the mind of Philip and Alida too!

herefore a man will leave his father and his mother, and will join with his wife, and they will be one flesh. 

By and large the “one flesh union” has over the centuries been limited to physical and romantic intimacy. I have no doubt that’s how Philip and Alida envisioned their wedding night. I hope they maintained their purity prior to the wedding, though there is obviously no way to know for sure. 

God intended them to experience that profound moment after making their profound covenant promises to each other. A one flesh union was more than sex, however. It was a visible testimony of the invisible relationship being formed in the presence of God himself. That is why the vows command the duration of the covenant, “so long as ye both shall live.” 

Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honor, and keep her in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?”

As we will see, however, it is much easier to make promises than keep them. There is good reason to believe that as they exposed their “naked souls” to each other in the days and years to come, rather than being “naked and unashamed” the exposure meant more and more conflict and mistrust rather than less. 

Philip and Alida’s and the Creation Mandate (1859-1861)

In 1859 Philip and Alida had their first child, Goodwin. It appears from the census data that the following year they got their own house. I can’t help but think the money came from Alida not Philip–perhaps a wedding present from her father to help them get started in their new life together. 

God’s second purpose for marriage is often called the “creation mandate” 

God created man in his own image. In God’s image he created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them. God said to them, “Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it. Have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the sky, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” (Genesis 1:27,28)

Though given initially to Adam the mandate continues to all those made in God’s image–including Philip and Alida. Philip probably didn’t think much about the Genesis command but he instinctively was obeying it to the best he could:

Be Fruitful and Multiply and Take Dominion 

There is no reason to doubt Alida's announcement of pregnancy. Since the baby would be born in September of 1859 that suggests he was conceived in December and Alida probably realized she was pregnant a few weeks later. It isn’t difficult to imagine her excitement at the news. I do wonder, however, how it affected Philip. He probably didn’t say anything to dampen the enthusiasm, but knowing something about his years of turmoil and instability really makes me suspect the prospect of another mouth to feed and the nameless “burden” of fatherhood gave new fuel to his old shame. 

In rural Pittstown, the birth and delivery would be in their home, supervised not by a doctor but a midwife. In March of 1859 the big moment arrived and Alida brought a baby boy into their world, “Goodwin A. Rose.” 

About a year later, Alida broke the news to Philip–probably around September or October–that she was pregnant. If I’m correct about Philip’s response to Goodwin’s birth I’m pretty sure this news was even more conflicting for him. Their financial circumstances were not good. 

In the 1865 census their little house would be valued at only $200. Even in those days this suggested an extremely modest home and if he was farming his own land it was probably little more than a garden at this point. It isn’t much of a stretch to think another mouth to feed would mean picking up additional work–perhaps from his old boss, William Van Namee. 

Alida came to full term in June of 1862, bringing a baby girl into the world. They named her Mary Isadora. Because of the traumatic events that arose next it is possible that the baby was not particularly healthy from the beginning. We also know that there were severe tuberculosis outbreaks during that time. With virtually no treatment options, when Mary got sick there was nothing to do but try and comfort her. With Philip gone from sunrise to sunset trying to make ends meet Alida was carrying the load by herself. Goodwin was a demanding toddler and Mary an inconsolable newborn. Alida’s mother Sarah would no doubt help as much as she could but it was never enough. As Mary’s condition worsened, we can be sure the level of turmoil in the marriage worsened as well. 

In the 1865 state census, Philip changed his occupation to “carpenter” from “farm labor.” This may be significant in the bigger story of his life for a couple reasons. Carpentry was a skilled labor and carpenters made a lot more money than general farm laborers. This could have lightened some of the financial burden, though it’s doubtful it helped the marriage. It is also worth noting that Philip did not serve in the Civil War. In 1862 the war department was enlisting young men throughout New York for three years stints. A careful check of available draft records reveals that Philip did not serve. It is also noted in the history of the era that carpenters were in such high demand they easily received military deferments so their skills were available back home. 

In February of 1865, the feeble little one could not cling to life anymore. After months of care and her own exhaustion, Alida was emotionally devastated. It is also very possible that whatever affliction had taken Mary was also settled upon Alida. 

The death of Mary, on top of the Roses' ongoing trauma, would leave permanent scars on all of them. Though Alida did her best to continue her part of the creation mandate, it’s difficult to see how their relationship existed in any other way than on their marriage license. 

The Eternal Purpose for Marriage (1866)

God’s third purpose for marriage was to reflect an eternal purpose: theologians sometimes describe it as the “marriage of the Lamb” of God. Though at its best, human marriages can point to the glorious promise of eternal union between God and his people, at its worst, it depicts a tragic contrast.

By Mary’s death and burial, Alida’s own illness had progressed. In the 1860s, a condition like Alida’s – tuberculosis—was called "consumption" or "the white plague." 

It was a prolonged, multi-stage bacterial infection with no effective medical treatments. If Alida contracted tuberculosis, the illness would have most likely begun even before Mary’s death, unfolding in three stages, perhaps over two miserable years. 

Early Stage – Incubation & Onset

The disease typically began subtly, often mistaken for a lingering winter cold or physical fatigue. It started as an intermittent, dry, hacking cough, most pronounced in the early mornings and late evenings. She would have experienced low, afternoon fevers, mild chills, and general lethargy that made standard household labor and care for a sick baby increasingly difficult.

Middle Stage – Active Pulmonary Progression

As the bacteria spread it formed lesions and cavities in Alida’s lung tissue, symptoms escalated significantly: her cough became deep, constant, and productive, eventually leading to hemoptysis (coughing up blood-streaked sputum or bright red blood). This was accompanied by inflammation spreading to the pleural lining of her chest causing sharp, persistent chest pain with every breath. The hallmark appearance of the era was called the “consumptive look.” It included hollowed cheeks, pallid or translucent skin, flushed rosy cheeks during fever spikes, and dramatic muscle wasting. It is likely that Alida had already reached this stage when they stood in the Millertown cemetery in the cold winter burying little Mary. 

Final Stage – Systemic Failure & Death

By May of 1866 Alida knew she was going to die. She also knew that when she did she must make provision for Goodwin’s welfare. I am convinced that Philip became increasingly detached and their marriage estranged in the aftermath of Mary’s death and Alida’s worsening condition. 

With the intense burden for Goodwin’s future Alida took the extraordinary (for her day) step of secretly drawing up her own Last Will and Testament. The stipulations in the will are as much evidence as we need to indicate the state of their marriage. Alida took the extraordinary step of completely excluding Philip from any of her estate. 

The document does not state a dollar value or provide an appraisal estimate for her estate, It refers only in broad legal terms to "all my property both real and personal of what nature and kind [soever]" and directs her executors to sell the property and invest the resulting proceeds into a "principal sum".

In 19th-century New York probate, specific monetary values were not recorded in the will text itself. Be that as it may, a woman excluding her husband was highly unusual and likely due to some degree of estrangement or even abandonment. 

The final phase of Alida’s consumption probably lasted a few months. Being bedridden, requiring care for Goodwin, and with Philip absent for whatever reason, her emotional despair was made even worse by the physical suffering of late stage TB:  Extensive lung destruction caused constant shortness of breath, even while resting in bed. Severe emaciation left her body skeletal, as the infection consumed energy reserves faster than food could be digested. In the end, it is likely that Alida died of some kind of cardiac event. 

On a hot summer day in August, Alida’s remains were laid to rest in the Millertown Cemetery, alongside baby Mary’s. We can be sure her parents and siblings were there at the service and, most likely Philip with Little Goodwin in tow. 

The Desecration of Marriage 

Given the apparent state of their marriage it is hard not to note how within a year of her death Philip had remarried, Catherine M. McChesney. Though that fact alone does not prove anything about his relationship with Alida, it is tempting to wonder, however, the extent to which Philip grieved her loss. It is also suggested in the census data that Goodwin never lived with them. In the census of 1870 Philip and Catherine were no longer in Pittstown but Cohoes, about 15 miles from Pittstown. Ten years later they are in Schenectady. Philip continued to list his occupation as carpenter. With the high demand of his profession after the war it could be that he was finally making a reasonable living. 

If God’s eternal purpose for marriage is to point others to the biblical promise of everlasting life and union between God and his people, what happens when a marriage like theirs falls apart? 

Distortion of the Picture of Covenant Relationship

At their wedding Philip and Alida repeated the traditional vows. 

“wilt thou have this woman to be thy wedded wife, to live together after God’s ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honor, and keep her in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?”

Wedding vows like these are expressions of a covenant relationship: two individuals vow to no longer view themselves as separate individuals but as “one.” Historically, covenant relationships are very different from contracts. I won’t take a lot of time here to trace the contrast, but simply, a marriage contract would not reflect the eternal purpose of God like a covenant. Contracts by definition are established to protect self-interests. Covenants are established to protect the interests of the new relationship. 

It is doubtful Philip appreciated the significance and importance of their new relationship when he asked for Alida’s hand in marriage. Even if he did at the beginning, he had lost sight of it at the end. 

Disruption of the Creation Mandate

God gave the gift of marriage to humanity, not just for the personal satisfaction of a one flesh union but to “be fruitful and multiply.” Earlier I called this the “creation mandate.” While Philip and Alida could benefit from their marriage, so would society in general.  

When marriages disintegrate through estrangement, unresolved conflict, abandonment or divorce, society loses a most intuitive visual vocabulary for understanding eternal truths.

Theologians describe the institution of marriage as a “common grace” by which they mean a merciful gift from God given to all humanity, even those who don’t believe in him. The creation mandate is another example of common grace. It not only pictures eternal truths it preserves society from self-destruction when practiced. 

It may seem significant that in the midst of their marital decline Philip and Alida were never divorced. But in 19th century farm communities like Pittstown, that was rarely an option, no matter how conflicted their relationship might have been. Though they were not divorced legally, it seems clear their marriage failed. And in the context of the creation mandate and God’s common grace gift of marriage, Alida and Philip’s marriage failure contributed to the general decline of marriage success.

Continuing Generational Scars 

Part of God’s common grace gift for marriage was to provide an “incubator” to prepare for the next generation. The failure of a marriage also shatters that covenantal incubator so that instead of being raised in a safe, stable and nurturing home they develop scars of mistrust and self-interest that form lifelong patterns in their own future marriages. 

When Goodwin was born he was utterly helpless. He could not feed or even comfort himself at first. Alida did the best she could under the dire circumstances of her life. But as her condition worsened her ability to provide stability and comfort to Goodwin left scars from which he would not recover. God’s covenant plan would mean that Philip would step up his responsibilities to Goodwin as the disease took away her life. But the evidence suggests he did not. 

When a society systematically tolerates and normalizes the dissolution of marriage, the impact on future generations is severe. In God’s plan, marriage and family was the fundamental building block of civilization itself. History has demonstrated this repeatedly. Sturdy marriages produce strong families; strong families breed solid communities and solid communities are necessary for nations to thrive. While it would be unfair to blame Philip and Alida for the generational destruction that would occur over the next hundred years, who can dispute that their sad story reflected it? 

Hope in Marriage Conflict

It might seem as though Philip and Alida’s story is a cautionary tale about marriage in general. Perhaps they shouldn’t have gotten married to begin with. I don’t know the condition of their hearts and eternal souls, of course. But I do know that the Bible has quite a bit to say about marriages in conflict and rather than discouraging them from happening it actually suggests that troubled relationships can be redeemed–not by common grace but by a special grace that God alone can give: 

The woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he is content to live with her, let her not leave her husband. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified in the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified in the husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. Yet if the unbeliever departs, let there be separation. The brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us in peace. ¹⁶ For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? (1 Corinthians 7:13-16).

It isn’t unreasonable to think that Philip and Alida reflected the truth of a divided house: Alida may very well have been a woman of faith and it is fairly obvious Philip was not. The Apostle Paul’s counsel to Alida would be to stay in the marriage as long as Philip was open to it, but if he was not, she was no longer bound to the vows. Granted, the customs of the time did not permit a legal separation but for all intents and purposes, Philip’s actions proved he was not willing to maintain it. 

What is helpful for us, however, is to understand Paul’s reasoning: For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband?  Paul didn’t mean “salvation” as eternal life in heaven but as a deliverance in this life.  His promise that the unbelieving husband is sanctified in the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified in the husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. Is best understood as a promise of covenant privilege and opportunity for repentance rather than a guarantee of its possession. Here again is the wonder of God’s common grace in marriage. And if, as I suggest, Alida was truly a Christian the extent to which she practiced forgiveness and enduring love to a man who seemed so undeserving became an instrument of God’s special grace for her. 

I won’t claim she did this perfectly, but Paul did say that The promise of “sanctification” and “holy” children could very well have been in Alida’s mind through the darkness.